Reaching a Point of Inward Turning

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The story of how 'The Letter' to Myself birthed may appear a little lengthly yet, these are the words it takes to describe a miracle. 

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Life changed from the fairy tale I thought it was going to be. That made me angry.

I felt betrayed by the love of my life, and justified in my anger because that betrayal brought our family's life

into turmoil and struggles. I knew being angry wasn't helping me or my children,

yet, I couldn't shake it from what I was taught, so I buried it.   

 

I didn't admit I was angry, I called it - hurt. I wasn't hurt, I was bleeding and dying inside. 

I was determined not to show my pain to anyone 

and instead focused on creating a better life for my children and myself.

My hard work paid off, yet it was a roller coaster ride, except it wasn't fun.  

I thought by creating a better life all would be ok, it wasn't. I was still silently crying my days away.

Deep down I really wanted love.

I wanted to know what would create an unshakable love. A love that could never be taken from me. 

 

 I reached a point of no return. I had enough of the roller coaster ride.  

I screamed to the heavens for help... proclaiming as loud as I could; 

this is not the way life should be. Teach me what I do not know. 

 

Surely if I went to the heavens for help God would hear me. God knows.

And if God was busy I would happily welcome the helpers God trained.

I just wanted to know HOW I could shift the memories that were still tearing me apart.

I wanted to know what I did not understand or what I may have misperceived from my religion

or even the rules of good behavior. With all the what to do's I applied, where nothing I did  lasted​.

 

I silenced the endless chatter in my mind.

I became quiet with myself, and went to bed. 

I awoke early. Exhausted, yet within moments help arrived in an unusual and unexpected form.

I noticed all of a sudden my exhaustion had disappeared. 

 

A voice, gentle, yet strong, silent and loud all at the same time,

was challenging my buried anger to surface and for me to deal with it.  

 I found myself placing words as I heard them, on paper after paper,

without interfering.  I just listened to what was flowing from within me and wrote. 

Due to my dyslexic this was not normal for me. Normally I would always stop and review each word, checking on spelling, grammar, punctuation for mistakes.  

This was way different.

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 It's hard to explain what I was experiencing. 

The words weren't my words, they weren't my thoughts, yet they were coming from inside of me. 

 

The source of this unbelievable wisdom was a power encased in the same kind of love

 and innocence you feel from a baby just born.   

An unlimited guiding light forming an unadulterated foundation and model for being love...
not seeking it... being it. Being its innocence.

 

I didn't know how, yet, for me, the words I had written non stop for what I thought was only minutes,

 that was actually hours -  were the answers to my questions in the form of talking to myself.  

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This was it, my prayer was answered.

I couldn't explain how I knew that, I just knew.

I was like a child, excited and grateful for the gift I just received. 

I was excited to use it.  I didn't think about it, try to understand or figure out how it would change my life for the better,

I just knew it would. And it did. 

Rereading and rereading 'The Letter' every time I left helpless or

I was in my pity party, each word took me beyond my most perplexing fears and the pain that lingered from the anger that automatically began dissipating. That's it power, it turned any fear to an unshakable love that grew with each read. 

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Though the words were simple in nature, the message was profound. 

It ignited and released an inner unbounded freedom that permeated every aspect of my soul,

heart and mind in a romance of probabilities. The mundane, maddening world of confusion, loss, illness

and emptiness into a place where none of those feelings could exist. 

 

In this state of awareness, I knew all things were of love.

Not 'love' as it has been manipulated to hide the anger that generates our fears.

Love as I now know it was meant to be, innocent from the adulterations anger turned it into.  

The power of each word, as ordinary as it was, had its purpose in deeply rooting me

in an elevated embrace of loving, unconditionally self, life and others that I had never experienced before.

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My life began changing for the better quickly.  

 

There were still challenges, yet, living the messages that came forward in 'the letter' to myself

allowed me to meet life's challenges with a different heart and mindset that replaced the struggles

with ease, grace and abundance.

 

As I have learned over the years, there is no quick fix when love in its state of innocence is not present.

And like it or not, we are human.

We can get caught in the intricate balance between blame and accountability when we are navigating our day to day life.

We all have our beliefs, and how we have interpreted what we have been taught.

We are all right in what we want to believe in, because through experiences lived, I have come to know, 

that somehow, someway it is each individuals path to remember and live love in its unadulterated form. 

 

I offer 'the letter" to myself 

and the The Freedom Is Internal System that evolved from 'the letter', my travels worldwide,

exploring, learning, growing and serving others since 1989. 

I offer 'the letter' and The System to those who want it.

They are simple tools, yet they work.

 

For me, I find value in making life fun, easy while being accountable, responsible, simultaneously with self and others.

I respect and value each individual's unique gift however they choose to use it. 

 

The different programs I developed from the scholarship, affiliates, ruby red slippers society and the 24/7 NRG broadcasting / podcasting station, are in support of embedding 16 consistent habits that are designed to enhance

the quality of ones life, at any age, educational or economic level by knowing HOW you can access the answers within yourself.  

Answers that will honestly fulfill one's heart and soul by

seeing and using the unlimited potential in themselves.  

  Happy Trails,   

 Always Through Love,